Grab Bag No. 2 - Gollum, Poker, and Assholes

Submitter Ram provides some more excellent fodder in this Grab Bag.

What a poor, lonely thread. Do You Has?

hai all
plz send me obj type ques on c,cpp,jaba,c#,.net,asp... if u hav
to
xxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Our preciousss! We wants it!

help me...........plz send me a presentation on Tally 9.0 in power point......it's urgent..........plzzzz my email id.............xxxxxxxx @ gmail.com....thanx

hiiiiiii friendssssssss

i also need tat presentation........pleaseeeee,,,,,

A VLSI site gets bombarded with people asking for 'the projects plz'.

my name is venkatesh studing b.tech in stream of Information Technology. i want some mini projects to do ,plz help me by sending some projects or plz tell what type of project is to do .
 Thanking you,

Yes, I suppose it is! This Internet thing is just dandy!:

sir i am sulaiman of uet peshawar and a student of 6th semester it is a good to share thoughts with one another

Yes, because Visual Basic and Oracle is a common platform for VLSI:

I need some mini projects in vb with oracle so i request to send me as soon as possible

An anonymous submitter provided a link to a series of articles on writing poker bots. The article goes into elegant detail about everything from the mechanics of writing an experienced bot to the DLL injection you need to interact with game windows. It's concise, intelligent, and interesting. Fertile ground for morons with dial-up.

I didn't know you could call bullshit on code. Normally you could just run it to see if it works?

if you know any programming, you'll see how this is obviously fake. Good job for getting
dugged though.

OH GOD MY COMPUTER IS SCARY AND BRIGHT AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES NOISES

OKAY. YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING PEOPLE HOW TO BUILD BOTS. WELL AND GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY: I'D PLAY AGAINST A BOT ANY DAMN DAY. WELL AND GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY BOTS ARE WEAK. NOT ME. I DON'T *WANT* TO PLAY AGAINST ONLINE POKER BOTS. THEY SCARE ME. PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP.

The most passive aggressive asshole way I've ever seen anyone say 'Plz give me codez':

Fellow developers who are more into the subject than I, scoffed at me when I mentioned these articles, declaring them as blogspam for affiliate dollars. After reading this part and it failing to progress anywhere near towards turning theory into code, I accept this could turn out to be a waste of time for all involved except the author, who may end the series prematurely when he can find no more poker history to pad with.

This site, provided by submitter Anatoliy, appears to be devoted to automated trading systems. This particular system seems to be receiving a lot of attention.

This is the same person who, when watching a magic show, will jump on stage and demand to know how every trick is done.

Can you manage my money please email me at : xxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Thank you

Why yes! I will drop everything I'm doing to show how I made my money to a random stranger on the internet!

helllo sir... can you help me... pls email me : xxxxxx@yahoo.com... i wait u

What am I on now? A website? No, I mean a *real* website!

Congratulations !!!

I want know have you any website? How I can contact you?

Please send me your contact info

Wheee!

Are - Are You Sure You're In The Right Place?

Researching and rolling up some new content, but I just wanted to share this wonderfulness.

RFC 959 is what appears the be the prevailing standard documentation for FTP. It was drafted in October of 1985, and the whole world can see it through the magic of the internet. Of course, that also means the whole world can comment on it.

Comment by ravish

Article is good. If Possible plz send me the Java Code for applying FTP to my JAVA Applet.my e-id: XXXXXXX@rediffmail.com

Maybe we should, you know, turn the internet off for a bit.

The Grab Bag

Here we go on another fun adventure. This post is a sort of grab bag of things I've found over the past couple days, along with an intrepid user's submissions.

A quick one off: a post about ASP.NET GridViews, and a comment about... well, I don't know what:

How do I set alignment in a cell?(right or left)
I´m really "BALD" trying to do this....

Thank´s in advance
Please, save myself...

And in the same thread, a stunning example of both arrogance and ignorance:

Hi,

Thanks, but this not what i need. i need hierarchy of inner gridview. in which i have to create dynamic template columns. no need to edit template, just item template is required.

Waiting for reply
Thanks a lot

I've noticed a lot of these honeypots seem to be articles on introductory stuff, such as basic ASP.NET or WinForms tutorials. Methinks people get hired with fluff on their resume, and then realize they might actually have to account for their skill.

We must take a dare, a chance -- we must follow the path, the way of the project!

hi this project is not working properly........
please correct way of the project

Our intrepid submitter this week is Ram P., who pointed out these wonderful examples of, well -- using the same words, but not speaking the same language.

Tally is apparently a popular accounting software solution in India. On an article explaining the newest release, the comments page quickly fills with the rabble.

I didn't want to focus on commenters asking for illegal software -- there's enough aspiring script kiddies out there managing that for us -- but this is special.

This one is a student:

I want download Tally 7.2 education version Plz Help Me. How is processior of downloading

This one is a 'simple infosyst', which is some kind of held position in a presumably up-standing company:

i forgot the password of my co.in tally 7.2. plz tell me how can i recover my data. its the question of my job. sir please reply me.

This one works for 'dk computers':

hello sir please send me latest version of tally 9.0

This one probably doesn't have someone he can really get close and talk to. Which is why he feels the need to share his life story on the Internet:

agar mujhe mil gaya to jaroor bhej doonga. i am gourav from delhi. i belong to abohar. Is 8.1 is a latest new version.i just hear about 7.1 vat version. i am also in accounts line.I will try to find it & send to u.my parents and my younger brother yet live in abohar at gobind nagari. My cell no.is XXXXXXXXXXXX

This one's chilling at 'home':

I want it

And.. this one may have gotten lost:

I want to purchase in India the book - KODAK PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGUIDE

And finally -- again thanks to Ram -- this poignant example of what's wrong with the Internet, and what's right with it:

Backlash

Sometimes it’s possible to be overwhelmed — in what is an interesting technical discussion — by such brazen stupidity that you have to put your foot down. I’ll say on record that’s not the answer, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be funny.

So it is with this discussion. What could be a fascinating thread about the virtues of electrical engineering is quickly turned into a shitfest of unbelievable proportions. There are probably about 250 or more comments, from 2006 to literally today.

For every comment praising the article:

Thanks… I knew there was a simple way with junk from around the shop.

There’s a dozen completely arrogant leeches demanding attention:

send schematic circuit diagram of a 12v/220v dc to ac inverter

pliz send me schematics of solar battery chargers

please send me a pulse width modulated battery charger which should be easy to build

For every poster clearly speaking in the vernacular of the industry:

A couple of questions regarding the components; does the “V” symbol used for the value of VR1 , R2 and R3 mean ohms? What is the resistance of the coil of RL1? And finally, Q1 is a C1061, is there an equivalent JEDEC number? such as 2Nxxxx.

transistors like c1061 remember you must put 2SC in front of it so it is really a 2SC1061.

There’s a dozen blind stabs in the dark:

i want to make sin wawe inverter including phase sync.charger chang over ac to bettery low battery cut over load cut & battery chg.&chd.indication with dsp mcubased tech. thanks

please explain the circuit and how you would go about incorporating a program into it (for ex using the pic18f452)

would someone please be able to tell me how to build a battery charger that is powered by three 2 volt solar panels and two six volt dynamos?

For every person genuinely confused and asking for legitimate help, or clarifying:

Does the “v” written against VR1, R2 and R3 actually means ohm? Is C1 470 microfarad and not mF as written? What is RL1? I need clarifications on these and specifications of components to build the charger.

220 VAC on that battery charger. Couldn’t be for the USA, and I thought the voltage in Europe was 240 VAC, my mistake.

There’s a dozen people yelling to make themselves the only ones heard:

Am trying to design Build this Smart Battery Charger Using A Single-Transistor Circuit for my BSc. (Hons)in Physics project. Please kindly avail me with the exact values of the resistors I can use for the mentioned partlist below:

I m looking for the basic designed of electrification.I mean how can we install the electricity in homes etc.How can we calculate our electricity by an exact mathematical expression. thank you.

any one who can help me find a diagram of a automatic cell phone charger. i need it badly,so that i can make my project. tha charger wiil turn on when the cellphone is low bat,and it can turn off whe its fully charge. THANX IN ADVANCE

Please, send me an information on how the circuit works. I need such a circuit for my senior project. Thank you in advance

Finally, it gets to be too much. Subtle chaos starts to enter the system.

Please send me the circuit diagram of a fusion powered anti-gravity system please

Hello - great design. I wonder, could this be used to charge a flux capacitor? I ran out of plutonium, but this could fix my problem. Please respond, thanks!

Then, not so subtle chaos.

Could you please send me all the parts needed to build this, also the parts for a cold fusion reactor, and the schematic of course, and a transporter from Star Trek, The Next Generation — I don’t want the crude one from the original series. I would also like the circuitry for the gravity net used in the solar ship from the DS9 series. Phaser schematics and Di-lithum crystals, too. In fact, I don’t want to design any of it myself, please send me the wealth of all the world knowledge, preferably on a single CD, or a 2 GB memory stick. Could you also put the entire internet on a floppy for me? I can still read the 8” floppies if that matters. You could just post it all on i-tunes and I’ll download it with the gift card I got for my birthday. Thanks in advance, signed, another clueless idiot.

Then outright anger.

why are u all asking for designs ? this is not the place for that !!! go elsewhere u dum***ses

Someone gets absurdly philosophical. The conversation becomes a microcosm of every personality you’ve ever met.

Listen all you third world beggars, grow up, become engineers, contribute to your countries infrastructures so that you don’t all need circuits for battery chargers, inverters, and UPS power supplies. If you had reliable power in your down-trodden hell-holes, maybe you could move on and dig yourselves out of your self imposed purgatories. Get educations. Get jobs. Start companies. Improve yourselves and your countries. Get off your camels and quit trying to kill your neighbors. Overthrow your dictators and let democracy drive your civilization forward into the 21st century. Haven’t you dwelled in the 1700’s long enough? Holy crap.

What I think should have been the final word in the discussion gets posted:

I’m trying to make a peanut butter sandwich. Please post a diagram of where the bread goes. Thanks

The conversation has become an absurdist parody of itself. That’s usually when you disable comments.

Pushy Bastards

The title says it all. It's one thing to ignorantly demand someone else do your work for you, realize they're not going to, and give up. It's another thing altogether to keep pressing the issue until everyone hates you.

Case in point. Not exactly SE, but code nonetheless, an author provides a helpful, useful snippet of C++ to infer parameters for transformer design. And here we go:

You got your standard late bloomers, desperately seeking any and all help:

Please help us the procedure, how to download this software. Thanking You.

Hello, Where can i get a copy of this software? Please mail it to me on xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Cheers

You got the people who didn't read the article at all:

dear sir, i m testing engr.i want design software 4 distribution transformers.its free or how mauy cost.piease send information.

i am mfg. amall size of transormers.now i wold like to mfg. higher cap. so please healp me to make it. i want to make 2phase 13.5 kva 1350v transformer let me know it's deta

thanks

And then you have these assholes. The pushy bastards.

plz send me this file

sir i didnt get the file plz advise

wer iz the file

still no file , plz send me the calculator

The best part? They're relatively anonymous posts. No e-mail addresses, no contact information. How do they think the Internet works? Woooh doggy alls ya gots ta do is post and the Intarnet magically knows who you are! God, if that were the case we wouldn't need OpenID.

Ivory Tower Helplessness

An Australian development website posts a story about a travel agency rethinking its online strategy. It wants to provide a customizable, more robust face to its users. It's essentially a marketing and fluff piece, although I'm sure it's interesting to a few people. The deluge starts, but there's a curious quality to it:

mona - 13/07/07

hello
i m student of CE final year n need to code a project.n i choosed an online airplane reservation.will u plz hepl me.plz send me the code in c++ or in java.

chaitanya - 10/01/08

this good sit for students

i am doing final M.Sc(computers) and i am doing OMan Air Reservation System.I need some code for project.and plz send me project code.

krishna pratap - 04/03/08

sir i am student and i have choosen online project on flight reservation.
will u plese send me coding of this project by using java language

Okay, there's the fact that clearly none of them read the article, sure. But there's also the fact that they're all students. And they all need help far beyond what the author of the article - or indeed, anyone - can give them.

harshad - 28/03/08

i am bca final year student i am working on the project of airways reservation system so if you post me i wil thanksful to you

ahmad jawed - 17/04/08

dear sir
iam bca student doing my final year, i have to submit my project in next 8 months so i am worried what to do to get the best result, i have to do a project either in SQL or in Visual basic, so plz send me some source codes for a library database or web come application in vb.thanks

It's worrying. It makes me wonder about the pressure in IT to do well. It makes me worry for the safety and the health of the people who will end up using the systems these so-called programmers are involved in.

And it makes me laugh. But only a little.

raj - 06/05/08

i need the air ticketing system project

Java SMS Deluge

I feel sorry for the guy who posted this article: How to Send SMS using Java Program.

A fairly simple example, with links to what I'm sure is comprehensive source code. And it's a pretty great idea.

And then, the crowd hits.

hi....can anybody help me.... i need the code to receive sms...

HI can you send send sms throgh java program above code doesnt work for me

I have loaded allthe 5 java files.But how to implement in the program ? Plz tell me.It is very urgent.If any body can send me complete working code of sending messege .PLZ SEND IT MY EMAIL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And that's in the first four comments. There are, at this time, just over a hundred comments on the article. And an overwhelming majority of them demand the codez, the hlp, the plz, the urgent. It's almost satisfying to not be these people.

"I'd like a specification for this kind of project and -- oh hell, just give me your source code!"

hi, i would like to know about sms sendimg via web application.what r the basic requirment for that and any one have the source codeden pls send me

"Damn, have you no sol?"

hai vij i am also having error what sol u used to rectify it

Ahhh, schadenfreude.

hi please help me . i want the full code to send the sms to the mobile. Its really urgent ... I have to submit this project day after tomarrow....??????

And on that note, I leave you for now. Keep checking back for the best of the worst!